Pregnancy & Infant Loss at Christmas
19 December, 2023
If you have experienced pregnancy or infant loss , the Christmas period can be particularly difficult and you may be feeling completely overwhelmed.
Friends and family gather together, work parties are in full swing and the focus is on all things festive. Your emotions and feelings might not fit in with those around you.
Do what feels right for you
Grief itself is exhausting, joining in may be the last thing on your mind, choosing instead to opt out, it is ok to say no and stay at home. It is ok to take things at a slower pace. Perhaps arrange for some friends to come over to you, something a little quieter. If you are feeling exhausted and you need to change your mind, that’s ok too.
Prepare a quiet place
If you do go out, have a get out plan. If you are going to a friend’s house, ask if there is a quiet room you can borrow if you need to take a break. Explain that you might need some time out without everyone questioning and wondering where you are. Arrange a ‘get out’ word with your partner/friend, something that will indicate it’s time to leave or time for you to be picked up.
There is no right or wrong
Christmas can be a difficult reminder of the moments you no longer have. You may find yourself thinking about the Christmas you should be having, imagining that Christmas to be happy. The planning, the present buying, putting up the tree. Enjoying your first Christmas together as a family. It’s ok for you to feel overwhelmed.Start a new tradition – Honour your baby in a way that feels right for you.
Hang a special decoration, Light a candle in their memory. If you have a memory box you might like to add something to it.
Siblings
If you have other children, include them in your plans to remember your baby, their brother/sister who has died. All children will have a different level of understanding and this will change each year. You may want to talk to school/nursery and share that they may be struggling.
Share how you are feeling
By sharing your thoughts and feelings with those you trust and feel safe with will help you feel less alone. Share your memories, say the name of your baby and encourage others to do the same.
You are also allowed to find moments of happiness, this is not a betrayal and it does not take anything away from how much you love and miss your baby.
May you find moments of peace.
